She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
