operation have a gay friend backfired
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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