it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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