I need to stop coming to work sober
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
