bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
