Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
