dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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