i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
