i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
