Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
