i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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