Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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