I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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