six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
