Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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