He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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