I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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