and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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