happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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