I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
