would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
