omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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