just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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