My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
