I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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