Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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