just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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