then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Boobs speak an international language.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
