Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
