She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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