Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
