my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
