Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
