You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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