my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You are the jesus of drinking
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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