By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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