Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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