By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
