Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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