My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
50% drunk capacity currently
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
