I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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