im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
