i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize