Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
