dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
