So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
