There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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