How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
