we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
