i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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