she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
