btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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