do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
