If i come over, it means nothing
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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