apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
