Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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