She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
