Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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