We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
