i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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