I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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