i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
