NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
