Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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