what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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