i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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