I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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