After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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