We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
