dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
