3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
