Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize