It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
